Loving What Is, Revised Edition by Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell

Author:Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell [Katie, Byron & Mitchell, Stephen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2021-12-07T00:00:00+00:00

He’s So Incompetent!

Gary is annoyed by his incompetent employee. Is the person who annoys you someone you work with? Or is it your spouse or your children who didn’t do the dishes thoroughly enough or who left toothpaste in the bathroom sink? See if you can find an example in your life, and go inside for your own answers as Gary goes inside for his.

Gary: I’m angry at Frank because he is incompetent when he works for me.

Katie: Okay. Frank should be competent—is it true?

Gary: I think so.

Katie: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Whoever told you that? His résumé said “competent.” His recommendation said “competent.” It’s all over the place. You hire him, and he’s supposed to be competent. What’s the reality of it in your experience? Is he?

Gary: In my experience, he’s not.

Katie: So that’s the only place you can sanely come from: reality. Is it true that he should be competent? No. He’s not. That’s it. That’s your reality. So we can keep going over this until we get the “Is it true?” thing, because when you understand this, you become a lover of reality and move into balance. How do you react when you believe the lie that he should be competent when he works for you and he’s not?

Gary: It’s frustrating and anxiety producing. I feel like I have to carry his work. I have to clean up behind him every time. I can’t leave him alone to do his work.

Katie: Can you see a reason to drop the thought that he should be competent? And I’m not asking you to drop it.

Gary: It would make me feel better if I could drop it.

Katie: That’s a very good reason. Can you find one stress-free reason to keep this thought that opposes reality?

Gary: Yes. Well, I don’t see what you mean by “opposes reality.”

Katie: The reality, as you see it, is that he’s not competent. You’re saying he should be. That theory is not working for you, because it opposes reality. I hear you say that it causes you frustration and anxiety.

Gary: Okay, I think I’m pulling this apart. The reality is that he’s just not competent. What’s making me crazy is thinking he’s supposed to be competent rather than just accepting what he is.

Katie: He’s incompetent whether you accept it or not. Reality doesn’t wait for our agreement or approval. It is what it is. You can count on it.

Gary: Reality is what is.

Katie: Yes. Reality is always much kinder than the fantasy. You can have a lot of fun at home with what I refer to as the “proof of truth” exercise. He should be competent—where’s your proof? Make a list and see if any of it really proves that he should be competent when you put it up against inquiry. It’s all a lie. There is no proof. The truth is that he should not be competent, because he’s just not. Not competent for that job.

Gary: The fact is that he’s not competent, and I do what I have to do to make up for it.

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